Under new management

Hi, I’m Joe Clark. I’ll be your Fake Ouimet for today. And the foreseeable future.

The real Alphonse Ouimet, who really is one or more real persons not really named Alphonse Ouimet, really is on hiatus. But as of today, this blog isn’t.

We still need the Tea Makers because there is still shit going on with the CBC – or, as twee, rectangular-eyeglass-wearing Corpse mandarins insist on calling it, CBC/Radio-Canada. A writer on hiatus can’t very well provide coverage of that shit, so Ouimet and I brokered a deal. (Yeah, I know who Ouimet is or are. But don’t even bother asking me to reveal its, her, their, or his identity, because it’s not gonna happen.)

The deal is that I’m going to write and edit this blog for the foreseeable future. I’ll be doing it as Fake Alphonse Ouimet, or just Fake Ouimet. How can I be Fake Ouimet when I’m out, loud ’n’ proud as my real self? Because that’s the place Weblog “identity politics” are at these days. Follow along, my friends: This is almost as complicated as a Kent Staines plotline on MVP.

The person(s) behind Alphonse Ouimet adopted and retained that psudonym. Fine. But elsewhere, somebody did a bang-up job writing a blog called Fake Steve Jobs. People pulled a MeFi/Kaycee Nicole and busted a gut trying to figure out who the real Fake Steve was. (Most people assumed a single author.)

Eventually the truth was revealedFake Steve was Dan Lyons, a writer at Fortune. But then an amazingly 21st-century thing happened: Lyons kept right on blogging as Fake Steve. He wrote a book as Fake Steve. Everyone knew exactly who he was, but they had no trouble accepting him as Fake Steve – as a real person acting as a fake real person. (Isn’t that what acting is?)

That ground has now been covered. We can’t undo those events. If I’m going to take over this blog, I can’t very well cower behind a pseudonym like some commenter on the Tea Makers. How ancien-régime would that be?

Nowadays, the only way to take the place of a pseudonymous writer is to adopt a different pseudonym and also tell everyone who you really are.

Say hello, then, to Fake Ouimet. FakeOuimetster rules Bartertown.

Now is the point in the exposition where I paraphrase Bill Maher. New rules!

How long is this gonna go on, you surely ask? Well, how the hell should I know? I just work here. We could all die tomorrow. We shall live each blogday as though it were our last. Because one day, it will be. But not today, for today is the first day of the rest of our blog.